tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34525163.post4236042786370949843..comments2023-08-16T03:03:34.830-05:00Comments on Against a Brick Wall: Impermanence: First reflectionLindahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03167212722339582049noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34525163.post-65240906405836908892007-10-13T06:59:00.000-05:002007-10-13T06:59:00.000-05:00In so many ways, you are a new person now. It's na...In so many ways, you are a new person now. It's natural that your relationships with others and with yourself are changed by this emerging new self. Here at midlife, while I'm not recognizing or as in your case openly expressing an orientation that would come as a surprise to others, but I am peeling back layers slathered on to me both by the expectations of others and my response (terrified/cooperative/submissive/desperate) to those expectations. I am surprised, at times, by what I find. If I expect unconditional love, is that based on who I was, or on who I am? <BR/>You raise such good questions, as ever.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08235049965406944684noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34525163.post-65313087400358255862007-10-11T15:53:00.000-05:002007-10-11T15:53:00.000-05:00i had to go through this recently, and yankee T is...i had to go through this recently, and yankee T is right on with that line abt inertia. the person (you know this story) eventually contacted me and we sort of had it out and really, i feel totally "whatEVer" about it now. i didn't think I would. but I did. <BR/><BR/>now, to make this _not_ all about me, I can't really offer answers to the questions you posed (rather, believe me, you wouldn't want to hear mine) but I will just end this by saying I think you're AWESOME and people are dumb if they just let that go.JMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04138401393364371648noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34525163.post-82865667395246244362007-10-10T19:57:00.000-05:002007-10-10T19:57:00.000-05:00Remember that impermanence isn't always our fault....Remember that impermanence isn't always our fault. One person alone cannot sustain a friendship, or a relationship.<BR/><BR/>With our move less than two years ago we lost the relationship with the couple we thought were our best friends, of 12 years. Seems they couldn't forgive us for leaving and following our dreams. With our move half an hour away from a friend who's known me since I was five I thought we'd rekindle our now very casual friendship. Seems she's too busy to have time for friends that aren't parents of her kids' friends. I can only try so hard to keep up a friendship and offer invites before I stop trying. Do I wish I were closer to these friends? Sure I do, but at the same time, I'm not sure that it would be a genuine friendship. <BR/><BR/>I think Yankee T hit the nail on the head with <I>"do not confuse inertia with loyalty."</I>SassyFemmehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11825555906386002414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34525163.post-27849378477398219562007-10-10T17:57:00.000-05:002007-10-10T17:57:00.000-05:00WOW. Well, I imagine I have more to say on this t...WOW. Well, I imagine I have more to say on this than you want, so I'll try to cull it down.<BR/><BR/>To accept the impermanence of some relationships is vital to changing oneself. When you look back on where you were as a person for all those years, you were not really allowed (by yourself or your circumstances) to be who you ARE inside. I firmly believe that the friends you are making now, in your new life, your new faith, your new you-ness, will be friends that you will have forever. I always say, "do not confuse inertia with loyalty." Just because some people stick with other people forever, does not mean the friendship is good for anyone.<BR/>Yes, there is a love that can weather all storms-but it doesn't mean that your past surroundings have allowed you to form that kind of friendship yet. You are just becoming Linda. Be patient with yourself. I know that permanent friendships are forming for you right now, in your new life.<BR/>I wish you many, many of them. You deserve them. I think you're terrific.Yankee Thttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11533568911291967397noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34525163.post-75739435233928683102007-10-10T17:28:00.000-05:002007-10-10T17:28:00.000-05:00What a wonderful post, Linda. So wonderful to rea...What a wonderful post, Linda. So wonderful to read about the grace to let go that is filling you now. <BR/><BR/>You've made me want to reflect on all this myself. Hope that's OK.<BR/><BR/>I've been thinking about my job situation and the impact my leaving will have on the people here whom I love. Just today, in fact, I met with someone and was reminded about the importance of accepting my limitations. My love for these folks will remain, but it won't be constant. I guess you could say it will diminish with time--at least in a certain sense. I have to know that, despite the pain and loss, it's OK for these relationships to end at some point in the future. And keep reminding myself that constant love is the province of God. <BR/><BR/>I need to think about it all more, too. <BR/><BR/>I'm sure you're capable of love and acceptance, Linda. Your heart is huge! (Not sure where that question came from for you. ??)Katherine E.https://www.blogger.com/profile/06322364633534297714noreply@blogger.com