Thursday, March 15, 2007

Lost

I called in sick today. I'm completely exhausted from all that's happened this past week. I got up at the usual time and when I got back from the morning run, I sat down on the bed and just stared into space. I called my boss and told him I'd be in tomorrow, went out for breakfast, soaked in a hot bath, and went back to bed where I've stayed most of the day. The NCAA tournament has been a nice distraction.

I feel lost right now. I don't know what I expected to happen after I told my mom, but this isn't it. I'm sad, but I can't name the sadness. I have moments of doubt and fear, which confuse the hell out of me. I guess I thought that once I told her, the reality that it was done would give me a sense of closure and hopefulness about the future, particularly since her response was more positive than I'd expected. But I don't feel any of those things right now. I just feel weird.

Is this normal?

I just called my mom. We normally talk a couple of times a week, never very long, but today's call was less than two minutes. She had nothing to say except to give short answers to my questions. She was anxious and distant, annoyed that I called. I'm not surprised, but it still worries me.

7 comments:

SassyFemme said...

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Would it help if you were to write a letter to your mom, stressing how much you love her, that you're still the same person as two minutes before you told her, etc...? A letter would give her time to absorb it all, and not have to answer you on the phone, AND give you the chance to put to words what you need to say to your mom?

Songbird said...

(((Linda)))
The ground has shifted for both of you. Give yourself time, and your mom, too.

Phantom Scribbler said...

(o)

Songbird is very wise, I think.

Rev Dr Mom said...

((((Linda))))

What Songbird said...

What Now? said...

I'm with Songbird. And I'm really glad that you took a day of self-care after the exhausting emotional work of the last few days.

Sue said...

(o)

I'm glad you took this time to take care of yourself.

What Songbird said...

Marie said...

I think Songbird is one very smart bird, too. And I'm glad too that you were smart enough to take some time for you. Walk around in this. Don't rush through it. Let the feelings have their way with you and see what God's got for you in there.

(((Linda)))