Monday, May 07, 2007

Losing patience

For the past year, I've done a pretty good job of celebrating the changes and progress toward health, but there are days when it just isn't enough and I get discouraged and frustrated. Today has been one of those days. I'll spare you the litany of patience lost. It's mostly the same stuff...finances, not making much progress on improving my fitness level, not having the guts to take some risks socially, not having much to show for my efforts at work, being too self-centered...blah, blah, blah. Nothing new.

All of this leaves me open to let jealousy creep in and I hate it when I start feeling jealous of others. I have no reason to do that. I know no good comes of it, but it's all just part of the magical thinking that I slip into when I'm frustrated with where I am and feel stuck.

Which I guess is really the whole point...I feel stuck. I wish I knew how to let myself off the hook and be okay with the progress I'm making and just patiently keep looking for the next step, not overwhelming myself with unrealistic expectations.

I suppose most of the time I can do that pretty well, but tonight I'm struggling, but it's time to stop and just figure out what I can do to get unstuck.


jo(e) said...

It's weird how we are the hardest on ourselves. I've often thought -- if only I could treat myself the way I treat my friends ....

PPB said...

Linda, I totally hear you. But remember, i met you in person a year ago. And saw you again a few weeks ago--and didn't even recognize you---you look fabulous! You're hitting HUGE fitness milestones. I can safely bet that you're doing the same in all other areas.

But the important thing is this: the way you're feeling sucks and I'm sorry you feel so sucky.

Songbird said...

What they said, Linda. Give yourself some time and space to be.

Chris said...

Oh, for goodness sake! :) Hrumph!
Rome wasn't built in a day, but you are looking like a mighty fine urban development already. Now just hang in there and remember that there a lot of total strangers out here who for some inexplicable reason care very much for you.

There now, does that help - LOL.
Oh, alright then - Hugz

Iris said...

Much love to you, Linda.

Linda said...

Jo(e)- Yes. That is very true. We do seem to be the hardest on ourselves.

PPB- It does suck and I know the progress is huge, but I think it's just hard sometimes to accept what I've done to myself with the decisions I made, to just let that be and find some contentment and encouragement in knowing I'm making different decisions now.

Songbird- thanks.

Chris- I think you're new to commenting here. I didn't welcome you the last time you commented. Sorry about that, and many thanks for your kind words. They do help.

Iris- thanks.

Kathryn said...

they've all said it much better than I could...but regardless of the progress, stuckness is miserable. Love and prayers that this passes rapidly.
And another hug for good measure ((L))

cheesehead said...


JM said...

it ticks me off to see this after we talk on the phone because when you don't talk about such things then I feel like a crappy crappy friend for not helping you in a time of need!

Dude! you rock. don't be so hard on yourself.

Yankee T said...

What jo(e) said. And hugs, too.