Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Facing the truth

This weekend I was able to face a truth from my past that has long been hard to accept. I've come close in the past, but have never been able to actually admit it until now. With L.'s loving companionship I was finally able to do it on Saturday.

We were looking through some pictures from my childhood and college years when she noticed the unfortunate truth. I denied it at first, but after awhile I had to admit it was true, and for the first time these words came out of my mouth:

I once had a mullet.

You have no idea how hard it was to say that. The conversation went something like this:

L.: (looking at pictures from college graduation; it was 1986) Oh. My. God! That's a mullet!
Linda: It is not!
L.: Yes it is. Look! You had a mullet. It's long in the back and short on the sides and front.
Linda: It isn't a mullet. It's sort-of-a-mullet, but not a mullet.
L.: It's a mullet.
Linda: It's not long enough in the back to be a mullet.
L.: It's nearly to your shoulders. Admit it. You had a mullet. There are worse things in life.
[long pause while I stare at the picture]
Linda: Okay, if I say I had a mullet will you think less of me?
L.: I already know you had a mullet.
Linda: Okay, I once had a mullet. I was young and stupid. It was the '80s. I've learned from my mistakes.
L.: Now, don't you feel better?

In my defense, though, as mullets go, it really was just sort-of-a-mullet.

At least I never wore long tube socks pulled up to my knees with shorts. Much.

Picture added for you to vote: Mullet? Too close to call? Not a mullet?

This was the picture in question. It's from a newspaper article (me? newsworthy? I know it's shocking.), so the scan quality isn't so good. Nevertheless, I'm confident you'll agree with me. This is not a mullet!


seeker said...

Dude, the tube sock pulled up to the knee is not even in the same class as the mullet or even a sort-of-a mullet mullet.
I think you should post the picture. ;)

JM said...

yeah. tube socks like that are on the "acceptable" side of the scale.

You do get a bit of a pass since it was the 80s, but it WAS the second half of the 80s, so...

I think you should post the picture and let us vote.

Purechristianithink said...

But did you have a Flashdance ripped shirt and leg warmers ouifit? There are a lot of embarrasing '80s pics out there for those of us who were of a certain age back then. . .

Linda said...

Okay, explain why the mullet or even sort-of-a-mullet mullet isn't as bad as tube socks. I beg to differ with you!

PCIT- I am happy to report I never once wore leg warmers. Thank god, I've spared myself that humiliation. :)

JM said...

I was saying the tube sock thing was ok in relation to the horribleness that is the mullet.

If seeker was saying the opposite, we might have to have a smackdown. Except I'd get my ass kicked, and that's never fun.

But you avoided posting the picture, I see.

If you post your mullet picture, I'll post my fauxhawk picture.

Linda said...

Well, JM. I understood you, but guess the second cup of coffee hasn't kicked in because I totally said that the wrong way. Okay, explain why the mullet is worse than the tube socks. I think tube socks are hideous! :)

I can't post the picture right now. I'm at work. The picture's at home. Perhaps I'll do it when I get home this evening. If I do, I'm counting on the fauxhawk pic. :)

JM said...

See what happens when you put sugar on your grits? You turn dumb. :)

The mullet is always worse than anything to which it is compared. Always. Spend some time at Mullets Galore, burn your eyeballs out, and then try to tell me I'm wrong!

I totally pinky swear to post my fauxhawk picture if you post your mullet picture.

SpookyRach said...

Post it! Post it!

cheesehead said...

I totally had the mullet. 1983. But I never did that nasty tube socks thing.

And, uh...PCIT, are you implying that a flashdance sweatshirt and leg warmers are something to be ashamed of???? It was the height of fashion in my "dancing for dorks" class!

Patti said...

I never had a mullet, but I did have honkin' huge plastic framed glasses. I wore leg warmers (and ankle warmers)but only at ballet class, I swear! And only when the studio temperature was below 65.

seeker said...

No need for a smackdown JM, we were on the same page. Tube socks were/are so much better than a mullet. A bad haircut is a bad haircut no matter what you call it. What I don't understand is why so many older lesbians still feel the need to hold onto the mullet. So JM what is a fauxhawk?

As for tube socks, they were a statement of athletic prowess especially since professional baseball, football, basketball, hockey and soccer players all wore them during the 80's. As a side note, tube socks make great hand puppets.

Songbird said...

Hey, watch it! I married a guy with a mullet!
Fortunately, his hairline began receding and he cut it all short.

PPB said...

I never had a mullet.
I never did Flashdance clothes.
I never wore tube socks.

I was a dork amongst dorks.

But I might possibly have worn glasses larger than skin diving masks. And I might possibly have had lots and lots of feathers in my hair.

But I'm not admitting anything else.

JM said...

As much as I love an opportunity to give you crap, judging from that photo I would say that's barely a mullet. Seriously. I'm not trying to be nice or anything.

Seeker, per wikipedia: "The fauxhawk hairstyle is an approximation of a mohawk made without buzzing or shaving the sides of the head, allowing an imitation of the extreme look of a true mohawk without having to commit to it by shaving the head."

I have to go run an errand but when I get back I'll post my fauxhawk, even though Linda's mullet picture doesn't really look like a mullet. It looks more like basic 80s hair. That is, regrettable but not necessarily a crisis or lifestyle choice.

Linda said...

Cheesehead- You have no idea how much better I feel knowing you had a mullet too! :)

Patti- Welcome. Believe it or not, I had a pair of those glasses too. I never wore them, though. For obvious reasons. :)

Nice argument for the tube socks, Seeker. Still, they're hideous. And I've seen them on far too many people with no athletic skill whatsoever to buy your justification. :)

Songbird- There might be a slight bit more justification for a man to have a mullet. Might be.

PPB- Dork? Sounds to me like you were discriminating! Claim it!

JM- YES! I feel vindicated.

JM said...

here's my fauxhawk.

Purechristianithink said...

Not to muddy the waters or anything, but what is/was the difference between a mullet and a shag--assuming both those terms refer to '70s/80's haircuts . . .

Yankee T said...

totally a mullet.

seeker said...

It looks like a mullet to me.

Linda I hope the fauxhawk photo bribe didn't sway you into posting yours. Dude JM, posting a baby pic doesn't count. Linda consciously chose her hairstyle whereas yours was forced upon you. :)

Marie said...

Definitely a mullet. I can go you one better. 1984 prom picture: me in a poofy dress (with a HOOP under it) and...a mullet. How come no one told me that was the first definitive sign of lesbianism?

JM said...

Seeker: That was kind of disingenuous of me, wasn't it. :)

Linda, don't let these people get you down. I'm from Central Pennsylvania. Believe me, I know from mullet. That's not a mullet!

PPB said...

I'm going with mini-mullet. It's a bit short in the back to be a true mullet. I'd say you were dangerously closer, but not quite there....

cheesehead said...

Um...Marie? My husband of 23 years wonders what the heck you are talking about.

The Simpleton said...

Marie, I hear your pain. Mullet, Gunny Sax dress & laced bodice. What a dork. I may have worn my track shorts underneath.

What Now? said...

Linda, if that's a mullet, then it means that I too had a mullet in 1986, and that simply can't be -- I can't accept that version of history -- so I hereby declare that this is NOT in fact a mullet!

Mary Beth said...

Nah. That's no mullet.